City Slickers

Okay, right off the bat - full disclosure: my offspring blogger Andrew, who's far more eloquent, literary, and bloggone more talented at this blogging thing than his old man is also writing blogs on our 2015 road trip on a parallel track. You can read his Pulitzer worthy entries here: Andy's Room

That having been said, knowing that the lad has been penning his own takeaways on our Wild Western Rodeo, I intentionally did NOT read his latest entry on the Cook family's foray into horseback riding.  I did this specifically so as to avoid any accidental swipes.  While I know we're using the same pics (I was the only one who galloped the pathways wielding a camera like a six-gun sideshooter), any recurring bad jokes or reference points are purely coincidental and a testament to mutual blogging idiosyncrasies.  That and the fact that we share the same twisted sense of humor.

So heading into this adventure, in fact, even before we knew much of what we would be doing out West, we knew right away that we were going to weave horseback riding into our itinerary.  And not just a prance around a holding pen, mind you, but a half-day expedition up through the canyons of Utah's Zion National Park into some of the most inspirational vistas we've ever cast our peepers upon.  Any references to Apocalypse's Four Horsemen, I needed to keep to myself.

Now, continuing with the full disclosure, my first exposure to horseback riding was in the early 1970s, when, as a hapless camper at YMCA's Camp Alexander in Pelham, N.H., I climbed atop Creampuff and took a few laps around the fenced-in farmland on Mammoth Road.  And yes, I do still remember that horse's name.  You always remember your first.

The next time I attempted to ride them, I was much older, wiser, heavier and foolhardy when I took to the trails in Townsend with a couple of E Streeters and revisited some of the nuances of wrangling.

So 25 years later, the driving instructions are still the same, right?

Well here's a news flash for all of you thinking about exploring the adventure and banking on the volumes of safety instructions you'll gather on the front end:  there ain't none.

It's true.  We were led into the pen and pointed to our horses.  With a bit of coaxing we were able to mount the stallions, and then got our Horseback Riding 101 Primer:  "Pull on the left to turn left, pull on the right rein to go right.  Pull on them both at the same time to stop.  Okay, let's move it out!"

Clearly, Jackie was expecting more details than that.  Here's she is looking for the directionals.

I pulled out my Dothraki dictionary, and asked in my best Khal Drogo voice:

HASH YER RAY TIH HRAZEF ANNI?

They pointed me toward him, and we bonded, like any good Dothraki warrior would.

And with that, we were off!

For obvious reasons, Jackie and I couldn't get the scene from City Slickers out of our heads when Billy Crystal was singing the tune from Rawhide on his Western adventure.  You know the one (click here if you need a reminder) - Rawhide

'Course, Billy Crystal's version added a line about his ass cheeks.

So as seasoned riders, naturally, in the first minute atop the steeds, it was time for a stream crossing!
First up is the prettiest damn cowgirl Zion has seen this century, Heather, riding atop Kitten!

Next comes our resident cowboy Andrew, gallantly riding atop Fancy

Calamity Jane herself, Jackie rides her noble steed Charlie into the annals of Wild West lore

And finally, taking up the rear, comes a rider atop a pale horse, Hellblazer.  His name was actually HB, I just thought Hellblazer sounded muy macho.

I was also channeling my best Johnny Cash - When the Man Comes Around:

And I heard as it were the noise of thunder

One of the four beasts saying 'Come and See' And I saw

and behold a white horse

Click Here: The Man Comes Around to hear that haunting classic. 

Yeehaw!

I neglected to mention, there was one another piece of instruction they provide:  try to follow the horse in front of you.  That we could do.

Just scroll through this next batch of pics and bask in the wonder of Zion, not to mention the wonder of a group of city slickers holding their own in the Wild West

At the halfway point, Sheriff Andy and Bullseye rode like the wind.

Heading into the home stretch, Heather had the hang of the whole steering mechanism

We stopped here for some sage wisdom.  A plant, we learned, that the horses love to nibble upon.

Our tour guide, Jim, regaled us with cowboy stories throughout our three-hour voyage.  Most of them, though, are not appropriate for print in a family blog.

Finally, back at the More-Than-Okay Corral, we dismounted and walked with funny gaits back to the nearby visitor's center.

Did I mention this was also unanimously the most memorable and favorite stop on our road trip?  Seriously, this will mark one of our most unforgettable family experiences ever - with our new extended family - Kitten, Fancy, Charlie, and Hellblazer.

So farewell, Zion, you boast an indelible pocket of time for this foursome.

To quote, if I may, from Isaiah in the Bible: "And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorry and sighing shall flee away."

So on that holy note, naturally, it's time to head next to the City of Sin.

On the Straight and Narrows

Heading out of the Grand Canyon, Kaibab, and Arizona, in general, it's time to head a bit north to Utah and the fun that awaits at Zion National Park.

Getting there, though, means we had to travel on one of the more desolates roadways that eventually wrapped around the northern rim entrance to the Grand Canyon.  Literally, you can drive for 50-100 miles without seeing a building, another human being, a gas station, or anything resembling civilization.

On the way, we made a pitstop at Glen Canyon, which spans the Colorado River.

'Twas here were encountered a rather minor annoyance, but a nuisance nonethelesss.  Not sure how other folks feel about them, but there were a pair of gentleman flying a drone over the river.  I get that they're the latest fad, but the incessant buzzing and hovering in a place of such natural beauty seemed really intrusive for anyone else looking to take in the sights without the pesky buzzing.  With the millions of acres out there, couldn't they find their own secluded spot so as not to intrude on anyone else's experience?

Okay, that's my soapbox for this blog.

And did I mention it was a tad on the warm side, much like about 70% of this trip?

Later in the afternoon, we finally reached our destination, Zion National Park.  We chose to wait until the intense heat and sun subsided for a bit, and set off for a late afternoon trek through the Narrows

What are the Narrows you ask?

Straight from the National Park's own literature, the Narrows is the narrowest section of Zion.  This gorge boasts walls a thousand feet tall, and a river sometimes 20 to 30 feet wide.

To reach the Narrows, you have to take a shuttle bus to the furthest point in the canyon, the Temple of Sinawava, which in Native American language, means coyote.

From there, you have to hike one mile in on a paved trail to reach the entrance to the Narrows.

Where, once again, it's hugging time.

With that, it's time to begin our trek against the steady current of the Virgin River.

Obviously, footwear is a necessity, as the riverbed is covered with rocks of all sizes, footing, and depths.

It's especially inspiring when you hear that the Narrows are susceptible to flash flooding because so much of the surrounding area is bare rock that doesn't absorb water.  During storms, runoff is funneled rapidly into the narrows, and during a flash flood, the water lever rises almost instantly - within seconds or minutes.

It's always encouraging to hear that hikers have been stranded, injured and even killed by venturing into the flood prone canyons.  Thankfully, we were there at a time of year when the floods were unlikely, because you know, those 100+ degree temperatures day and the extended lack of rainfall.

She looked a bit tentative to start (maybe due to all those flash flood warnings?), but once she got her water wheels under her, there was no stopping Heather.

Andrew, unsurprisingly, wanted to venture into the caves and crevices that dot the canyon's walls.

Striking a pose

Throughout the river, you'll see small waterfalls cascading down off the cliffside.  So natch, Andrew needed to douse his locks.

Jack was a trooper, climbing and cavorting over the bigger rocks with ease, with the occasional help from the fallen log.

Breathtaking.  And the Canyon wasn't too shabby, either.

Mother and daughter, knee deep in it

If he could have, Andrew would have attempted to scale this wall.  Instead, he settled for just posing in front of it.

Victory!  Or just flat-out glee.

An Under Armour ad in the making 

A few more of those requisite poses with the spectacular backdrops

Hey look!  Another cave!  Andrew ventured in, hands clapping to ensure there were no bats in there to spoil his pose.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Zion Canyon's Mister August

Many of the folks we encountered on our hike had L.L. Bean official hiking sticks.

Dozens had ski poles.

I opted for Gandalf's staff.

Andrew even found a way to get a run in, along one of the sandy beaches that interrupt the river.

Don't even think about it, Andrew

Gaining a perspective on just how tall these walls are, Andrew catches a glance from the base

Finally, after about two miles heading upriver, it was time to head back down

Buses out of the Narrows stop running around 9 p.m., so we opted not to get stranded out there overnight, and headed downriver during dusk.

Not that it's a spot readily available to all, but trust me, when passing through the southern corner of Utah, or for that matter, anywhere in the tri-state region, Zion is one of those must-see stops that has to be experienced first-hand to believe.